Lately I’ve been loving some of the funny lists floating around, such as 53 Thoughts Every Woman Has While Shopping At Target, and so I decided to compile my own list, drawn from my incredibly awkward experiences when I was searching for a playgroup.
57 Thoughts Every Mom Has While Attending Their First Playgroup
- I haven’t wanted to make friends so badly since I was in junior high school.
- At least I don’t have to be worry about being judged on my outfit now that I’m an adult.
- Am I the only one here wearing yoga pants?
- Why isn’t anyone else wearing yoga pants?
- I thought yoga pants were basically THE mom uniform?
- Is that woman wearing wedge gladiator sandals on a playground?
- Her shoes are totally going to fill up with wood chips.
- OH MY GOSH HOW DID MY KID GET UP THERE?
- Wow, she’s really high.
- I can barely reach her.
- It would be helpful to be wearing some sort of wedge sandals right now.
- Okay I’m going to sort of slowly edge in on this group of moms chatting by the slide.
- Almost there.
- I have no idea what to do now.
- If I continue to stand here awkwardly things will only get worse.
- Okay what I’ll do is I’ll laugh at the next thing someone says.
- Nope, that just made things even more awkward.
- OH MY GOSH THAT KID JUST PUSHED MY KID OFF THE SLIDE.
- I don’t care if you just learned how to walk, kid, I will cut you.
- Wow, I didn’t know my kid could scream this loudly.
- Oh thank goodness it’s snack time.
- Did that lady just subtly insult my juicebox?
- I think she did.
- I think she just insulted my choice of juiceboxes.
- Why is that kid crying? Is he bleeding?
- OH YAY! I HAVE BAND-AIDS!
- I mean, obviously I’m glad the kid is not really hurt or anything.
- But I really needed that opening for conversation.
- They seemed impressed by my collection of Eric Carle themed band-aids.
- Currently discussing children’s books.
- Am being invited to next playgroup at the library.
- What do they mean “pending the group vote?”
- These people are going to vote on me?
- OH MY GOSH I’VE JOINED A CULT.
- Or maybe it’s more like a sorority.
- This does actually eerily remind me of Hell Week in college.
- I should have never worn yoga pants.
- Now I feel a desperate need to make them like me despite all of my reservations about how this day is going.
- I’ll compliment that woman on her bag.
- Actually, they are all carrying some version of the same bag.
- Well, that does seem appropriate for a grown-up sorority, I suppose.
- Why is this woman talking to me about bonus gifts?
- Does this mean I made the cut?
- Where is she taking me?
- Is this my initiation?
- Why do they have a table full of Thirty-One bags lined up at the playground?
- OH MY GOSH THIS IS NOT A PLAYGROUP.
- This is a home party.
- These women are trying to sell me a Thirty-One bag.
- I can’t believe the audacity of these people, preying on lonely stay at home moms by masquerading as a playgroup.
- Wow, that bag is really cute.
- I mean, seriously that would hold a ton of stuff.
- And if I buy one, maybe they will vote me in!
- No wait, I am not buying my way into a playgroup.
- That’s completely illogical.
- Like wearing gladiator wedges to a playground.
- Forget it, I’m just going to enroll her in toddler ballet.
(Thank you to reaction gifs & complex.com for the gifs, which I just learned how to use because I’m kind of old. Also fellow mamas, I recommend just going to a MOPS group. I mean, they have breakfast food and no one votes on you.)
