Whenever I write a post like this, I feel like I should put up some sort of disclaimer about sensitive material. But then I don't.
While on the topic of infertility, I received the following comment and a few other comments/emails that were very similar in nature. I wanted to discuss my take on it and also see what y'all thought about it (not the comment itself, but the premise.)
Spiritually we need to understand that sometimes what we say is what we get-if you keep saying I'm infertile…My husband always says there is a difference between truth and fact. Fact may be that you're infertile BUT truth is that God wants to bless you with children-however He chooses to do that.
What follows are some of my thoughts. They are my own and they may be incorrect, but they are how I feel in my faith and I hope I am conveying them respectfully. I'd sincerely love to hear yours. (I'm replying in the comments, it's a topic that intrigues me and I enjoy the conversation.)
In my view, I think saying "I am infertile" is like saying "We're out of bread." It is statement of fact. Currently, we have no bread (specifically, plum bread because I ate it all.) And currently, I have a diagnosis of being infertile. I don't believe stating that fact binds me to it. It's just what is. Both could change.
I believe in a God who loves me. I don't understand how it all works but I believe in it. I absolutely believe that he can and may give me a child. But God may have completely different plans for me that don't include a child. It's part of the mystery of faith, I suppose, that none of us know. I do believe that God encourages us to be specific in our prayers, but I don't believe that he would allow something hurtful to happen to me, such as preventing me from having children, just because I've spoken it.
In very raw honesty, to be told that by saying I am infertile I am causing or perpetuating it to be so is extraordinarily painful. It etches the idea that I am not good enough into my thoughts, as though I could be a mother if I just believed in the right way. I think it gives me as a human far too much credit.
For me, the bigger fact is that in my heart I am saying/believing that I love God, that God loves me, that I believe in him and his plan for me above my own wants and desires and petitions. Some days that's a tough thing to say and it hurts. Other days it comes as naturally as breathing. For me, knowing him is what is true. That is the truth, the only truth, that I find steady and unchanging.
I think it's always best to have a positive outlook but I think it's equally important to acknowledge and embrace the moments that are hard. Truly even this struggle in my life is self focused and I hope that through it I become a kinder, gentler, more giving and loving person. It's not that I don't believe that words have power, it's just that I believe God's love supercedes even that.
