A few weeks ago we went to Hilton Head for our family vacation. In case you are like “Wait, what?” I decided to stay completely offline for the duration of our trip to curb distraction because I was spending the afternoons writing and so I wanted to get my fill of family time. (Plus, sometimes I just need to fully disengage from the internet. Do you ever feel like that?) I figured that I could latergram the best bits.
Scarlette loved the beach and in typical Scarlette fashion spent a lot of time running headfirst into the waves. (This is why all my pictures are blurry. Perptetual motion, that kid.) I would put her on my hip and wade out waist deep. And by waist, I mean ankle. I have seen JAWS. And then she say “HEY I KNOW! LET’S GO WAY OUT DERE AND GO UNDERNEAF ALL DESE WAVES!” So I would take her out even further and let the waves break around us and she thought that was the funniest thing ever. I love getting to be a part of experiencing her wonder, even if I don’t so much like water with creatures in it.
Scarlette had a lot of things to say about the beach:
♥ We found some throwback Disney Sing-A-Long videos stashed under the VCR in the condo. Scarlette was very confused about the concept of “videotapes” and “rewinding.” She kept saying “Mommy, do you fink we can watch dat video fingy dat is not a dvd or Netflix again?”
♥ One day on the shuttle we sat next a sweet elderly couple and everyone laughed at a story the woman told. So Scarlette bent over, clutched her stomach and faked laughed as loudly as she could. Then she smiled sweetly at the woman and said to her “Oh, you are SO FUNNY, lady!” From then on that lady gave Scarlette shells whenever she saw us.
♥ The balcony of our condo looked out over a lagoon between us and the beach and so we spent a lot of time watching the turtles swim around in the water. Scarlette named the turtles Chris One, Chris Two and Chris Three. We do not know anyone named Chris. So then I asked “Oh, what about that turtle? Is that one named Chris Four?” And Scarlette cocked her head and said “NO MOMMY. Dat one is Chris’s BROTHER.” I mean, I totally should have known that.
(For the record, there were four turtles. Obviously their names were Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo and Rafael. WORD TO YOUR MOTHER.)
(Jeff was like “You are obsessed with those turtles.” and I was all “I am not obsessed with the turtles. The turtles are obsessed with me. I am their April.”)
♥ I gave Scarlette a warning and then exasperatedly exclaimed “Scarlette, if you do that one more time Mommy is going to be very upset.” And then Scarlette said sweetly “Oh, dat’s okay Mommy! It’s okay to hab upset feelings. You just still habba be nice and not hit fings with your hands!”
♥ After discussing how that is not exactly what I meant and that I was upset with her behavior, she patted my hand and said “Oh I so sowwy you feel upset. Maybe next time you can just make better choices!”
♥ We spent a lot of time gathering shells for Scarlette’s collection. Then we would empty her bucket, rinse them, and lay them out on the kitchen table. I was walking through the den when some of Scarlette’s collection started scurrying towards me because apparently HERMIT CRABS look just like shells.
♥ A stranger asked Scarlette how she was doing and she said “Not so good acause I got some sand in my … (Yes. She said it.)”
♥ Another person waved to Scarlette on the boardwalk and said “See you later, Alligator!” And then Scarlette threw her hands in the air and said “I am NOT an alligator, lady! I am a little girl!” So then I taught her how to say “After while, Crocodile” and she spent the rest of the trip waving at random strangers while calling out “Goodbye Crocodile!” And then when they looked at her in confusion she would look up at me and ask “Mommy, why dey not calling me Alligator? Dat is not bery nice of dem.”
♥ Scarlette’s favorite thing to do was build a sandcastle just so that she could knock it down. Y’all. She was so funny. And then she spent the rest of the trip running up to other kids and going “WHOA. DAT’S A NICE CASTLE. CAN I KNOCK IT DOWN?” So we had to have a few talks about why other children might not enjoy having her knock down their carefully constructed castles and it is possible that I might have relied on PBS for some parenting backup, THANK YOU DANIEL TIGER.
It was such a great time. It was also weirdly reminiscent of one of my favorite episodes of FRIENDS. For one thing, this random guy sat down next to us with this huge plastic shovel and spent the entire morning just digging himself a hole. He dug this huge hole and then sat in it until it filled up with water. And then J got stung by a jellyfish and I was like THIS IS SO BIZARRE. And then I was all “Well, there’s only one thing you can do…”
(And as for latergrams? This one is my favorite.)
