Today over at Kelly's Korner the "show us your life" was to show the portion of your blog that was related to your ministry. I mulled that over for awhile because I was feeling a little ministry-less. Someone mentioned to me that maybe God was using my blogging about infertility as a ministry.
And that thought made me so frustrated. I do not want that to be my ministry. I don't. I know that's selfish, but there it is. I don't want to go through it. I don't want to be an infertility blogger. I don't want to identify with that. I just want to have a baby.
It hit me this morning that it was backwards. It's not that God was going to use my blogging about infertility to minister to others. Far from it, I just lay out my thoughts about adoption and write hateful letters to playtex. It's that God is using y'all to minister to me. The comments and emails you leave me telling me your stories and sending your prayers give me so much hope, but more than that they make me feel connected and understood in the middle of something that I feel like no one really gets.
So I decided that instead of writing about my ministry, I wanted to write and thank you for your ministry. Because you really, really do minister to my heart.
In related news, I've been avoiding a lot of questions about the Shifting Sand blog while I decided what I wanted to do with it. I may leave up the archives but I won't be posting there anymore.
I simply don't want to be disjointed. It's just that I've chosen to be a writer who is authentic. The thing is I am the same in my writing as I am in person.** And in person, there is no separation. Please know I won't be offended if you choose not to read posts that refer specifically to my spiritual life. It's just that as I trudge along this path of infertility, I'm learning that my life and my spiritual life are one and the same.
And that even though my womb may be barren, the Lord has made sure my heart is full.
**This statement does not apply to photos of myself posted on
this blog. I fully admit to photoshopping those suckers, but I did say
writing, y'all.
(p.s. I do hope that my talking about it openly is as helpful for
others as it is for me to talk to people who have been there. I don't
want it to be my identity but if I'm going to have to go through it,
dang it if I don't hope that God uses it for good for SOMEBODY out there)
