My sister and I went to Target this weekend. We had my one and a half year old niece, Nixie, with us and she was getting a little bit fussy because her aunt KA was taking far too long finding the perfect curtain rod. But like I told her, curtain rods are not something to be taken lightly. They are like the mascara of your windows. Not really. I just made that up.
Anyhow, because I'm an excellent aunt, one who dispenses excellent advice (see above), I decided to buy her a toy to keep her occupied. A better aunt might have cut her trip short but like I said, curtain rods. Priorities people. That is the story of how I ended up on the toy aisle and thus experienced one of the most horiffic moments I have ever had in a Target (the other being that time they were sold out of Twilight posters.)
Nixie spotted a stuffed Elmo (aka crack for toddlers) at the end of one of the aisles. To get to said Elmo I had to pass a rack full of baby dolls. This was not a problem until almost halfway down the aisle, when I realized that the baby dolls? They were equipped with motion detectors.
One by one they turned their creepy little baby doll heads as I walked past them.
There I was, not even to the middle of the aisle, Elmo taunting me from one end, Nixie looking at me with pleading eyes from the other and surrounded by a bunch of baby dolls that belonged in a Stephen King novel. I would like to tell you that I was an excellent aunt and bravely retrieved the stuffed Elmo, conquering my fear of creeptastic baby dolls. I would like to tell you that. But I can't.
You'll be glad to know, however, that Nixie is now the proud owner of a plastic microphone. Elmo is overrated anyhow. And that excellent advice I told you about? Avoid aisle nine.
