(Parts 1- I-have-lost-count-I-told-you-it-was-a-really-long-story here!)
I had no idea what the movie was about. Airplanes maybe. He'd suggested we watch it when we arrived back at my house. Despite a heavy presence of Leonardo DiCaprio I couldn't focus because Jeff had shifted on the couch so that I was resting against his legs. He'd always kept his distance with me physically. We'd watched plenty of movies together, him tucked safely away from me at the other end of the sofa.
I was contemplating this new development when he touched my hair, letting the strands fall through his fingers. He carefully pulled me closer to him, his arms around my waist, lacing his fingers through mine. We sat in silence until I unwound myself from his embrace and said goodnight.
The next morning he brought me breakfast. I thanked him somewhat groggily. I'd been lying awake all night thinking. He wasn't impulsive. He was gentle and he was kind. He wouldn't have done that if it didn't mean anything to him. He'd always protected me, even from my own feelings. Even when it hurt him to know that his shutting me out hurt me, he'd only been trying to be honest with me, to not lead me on. He wouldn't have held me, I decided, if he didn't want me.
That night he reached over and took my hand again. "You have to tell me what this means, I said, I mean, I can't…You'll have to date me or something you know." He stroked the back of my hand. "I was going to ask you tonight, about dating, talk to you about it. But I just got here and you sort of beat me to the punch" he smiled.
I wasn't sure of my feelings. They weren't quite romantic. But I still thought he was one of the greatest men I'd ever known. And I knew I'd always wonder if I didn't at least see where it went. I was terrified, absolutely terrified to fall in love. I never wanted to feel heartbroken in that way again. I asked Jeff to be patient with me. I asked God to guard my heart, to pace me, to not let me fall in love with Jeff unless he was the man I'd marry.
The girls were cautious when I told them. Later, Natalie turned to me in the car. "John told me that if we were going to trust anyone to be gentle with your heart, it would be Jeff. And he's right. And we trust you. So we're okay with this." And so a relationship began taking place slowly. My feelings for him grew and deepened.
Almost five months later, he turned my face to his and kissed me softly.
We were in the den perfecting that kiss when the front door opened. "Did you just get back from the hospital" my dad's roommate questioned me. I had no idea what he was talking about. "Oh no. I don't want to be the one to tell you this. Your dad…he's in the emergency room. He was hit by a car and…and it's bad. I thought someone would have called you…" I looked down at my cell phone, shut off because I'd been teaching youth that night. I had 27 voicemails.
Jeff loaded me, hysterical, into the car and drove me to the hospital. It was the first night of many that I would sleep there.
