I'm gonna kiss your face off – It's that extra "off" tacked on the end that takes this from being a sweet bit of loving to something slightly creepy. "I'm going to kiss your face" is acceptable. "I'm going to kiss your face OFF" is slightly reminiscent of bad horror novels and poorly written movies featuring John Travolta.
I'm gonna eat you up – It seems I have mistaken my child for food. My baby is not a slice of cheesecake. Or a delicious bass.
I'm gonna get you – In and of itself this ranks as more scary than creepy. It's the way that it tends to come out in what Jeff likes to refer to as my "redneck baby voice" as something like: I'S GOAN GIT YOO that really ruins this one. I'S GOAN GIT YOO sounds like one of the example phrases you would use in a conversation in which you are explaining to your children why they should never talk to strangers.
I'm gonna steal all your sugar – While this has yet to have any effect on my infant, it did reduce my three year old niece to a blubbering mess of tears this week. As it turned out, she thought my kissing her head accompanied by said phrase mean that I actually had, indeed, stolen all of her sugar. Slightly unsure how I had managed this feat, she attempted to prevent it from happening again by refusing to hug me goodbye, saying "Keeka, don't steal candy from my hair." That kid is always going to have one eye on her dessert when I'm around.
I'm gonna nom off your toes – It appears there is a theme emerging in which I am attempting to convince my child that I am, in fact, a cannibal.
Despite my acknowledging that I say weird things to my kid, I continue to indulge in the behavior. I am not alone here, right?
