If you were a fly on the wall in my house recently, these are the things you would have seen and heard:
– While playing in the pool sans diaper because Mommy totally hasn’t caught on that owning just one cloth swim diaper is not going to cut it, Scarlette apparently decided to relieve herself. I know this because my niece Nixie shouted in horror “KEEKA! BEANS IS WATER PEEING!”
– I peeked in on Scarlette during naptime to find that she had managed to pull my bra off of my bed and into the pack n’ play, where she was soundly sleeping with it. Apparently, all that padding makes for a good pillow. Also, that’s not safe. Note to self: keep undergarments out of reach of the pack n’ play.
– We checked out five board books from the library this week and the only one Scarlette wants to read is “Hippos Go Beserk.” Having read it multiple times a day I pretty much have it memorized. Which is why when I was making dinner and overhead Jeff reading it to her I thought to myself “Self, that’s not how the book goes.” And that’s when I started eavesdropping and discovered that Jeff reads books WITH COMMENTARY. And what I heard was this: “See the hippos? They’re going to a party. Hopefully not some sort of drug party. The way they’re dressed is very suspect.”
– “Mmmmmm! Peas! Okay, I can’t lie to her. I hate peas. Why are we even making her eat these?”
– “Why isn’t she growing any hair on the sides of her head?” “I don’t know. Maybe from her head IVs? I’ve started calling her Billy Ray because she has a bad early 90’s mullet.” “Honey, don’t call our baby Billy Ray.”
– “Why are the kids on this sing-a-long saying that pigs say ‘Griffy, Griffy?’ Pigs say oink. Everyone knows pigs say oink. And cats say meow, not fiddle-eye-fee. What is sort of whacked out farm is this?”
