Do you just love her hat? Thank you Auntie JoJo! I love how the hat and the pacifier take up her whole face! Tiny girl 🙂
She is fussy after I change her so I hold her, bouncing her a bit in my arms while the nurse fixes up the crib. It is almost lunchtime so I move to put her down and she she looks up at me with her big eyes and sort of nestles into me, snuggling down deeper into the crook of my arm. She wants me. She wants me and it makes me feel like a mother. Time with her is precious, scheduled in increments each day, never enough. One hundred and twenty two days and I'm still brushing tears from my cheeks each night as I leave her because it's night and I'm leaving her.
People tell new parents to treasure the moments because they pass so quickly, because they'll never be newborn again. But when you're a NICU mommy everything is limited, you never start with a full twenty four hours in a day. There are hours you miss, hours of seperation that steal from your time. And you wonder if she knows you, really knows you or if this lack of time groups you in with an ever changing rotation of nurses. It sounds trite "treasure the moments" because what else could you do when moments are all that you have? So with her hand grasping my hair and her fragile frame tucked in next to mine I sink into the recliner and hold her just to hold her. Because she wants me.
And my heart is full because she wants me and I am here, and my heart hurts because she wants me and how many times does she want for me and I am away? I see her respond to my voice each morning and I hope she does not wonder where I am when she awakens at night and I am not the one that comes. And I question how I will keep doing this, how I can go on in my weariness? I miss her in so many moments.
My grace is enough; it's all you need. 2 Corinthians 12:9
A Thank You: In less than forty eight hours we reached more than double our goal for March For Babies 2011. I am humbled at your generosity for our fundraiser and so moved by your love and support. The following sponsors are donating a portion of their proceeds to Team Scarlette so if you have a moment to visit them, that would be fabulous! Tastefully Simple, Moxie Mandie, and Pink Daffodil Designs
