Keeping it real on the blog today- I thought I'd give y'all something to laugh at after reading all my heavy emoting 😉 This was taken on my third day in the hospital, after an incredible amount of drugs, vomitting and lack of bathing. It's really very flattering. I should probably display it next to my wedding photos. Here are some stories that, while totally traumatic at the time, are really very funny now.
1) While I was on all the drugs, I had a spell of hallucinations. There was a crane that kept swinging back and forth outside of my hospital window. Only I didn't know it was a crane until the following morning, when I was lucid. I was convinced it was a brontosaurus. I sincerely thought that a huge, plant eating dinosaur kept peeking it's head in my window to check on me. Also, at one point, I was dancing with a pack of hot dogs.
2) If you've ever been on magnesium, you know it makes you feel unbearably hot. If you've ever been accidentally overdosed on magnesium because someone was in a hurry to administer it in order to keep your baby from coming and didn't take your tiny stature into account, thus temporarily paralyzing you, then you know it makes you feel like OH MY GOSH SOMEONE SET ME ON FIRE. I only remember being in excruiating pain. Jeff says that I got all frantic and began crying "Start praying for everybody!" and when he asked me who I wanted them all to pray for, I responded "Everyone! Everyone in the world! Because no one should ever go to hell because it's really, really, REALLY hot there!" Which is odd to me because I'm not really a hellfire and brimstone type of believer.
3) I wasn't allowed to eat or drink for the first 48 hours after I was admitted. But when they finally brought me food, I refused to eat it. I was convinced that if I ate, I'd have to use the bathroom. And that if I went to the bathroom, I'd have the baby. Even though all the doctors assured me that I would not, I didn't believe them because everyone knows that on I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant the girls all think they have to go to the bathroom and then WHAMMO! There's a baby in the toilet. And dang it if I wasn't upset enough that I was in labor anyhow, there was no way in heck that I was going to give birth to my daughter in a toilet. A bedpan, no less.
(That photo is bittersweet b/c it's our only hospital photo. I think my dad snapped it. I refused to let anyone take photos b/c I was so sad about the situation unfolding and that we wouldn't have any traditional parents about to have a baby/parents holding their baby happy photos. And also because I was not sound of mind on all those drugs.)
