Today I turn thirty.
I know lots of people turn twenty nine several times but I am not one of those people. The worst part of turning thirty for me is that it’s going to be a pain to change my blog description on all of my different social media platforms.
I am happy to be turning thirty mostly because it is entering my thirties that I can first say with confidence that I like myself.
I didn’t use to, a fact that was glaring evident to the people in my life and I’m sure bled through the lines of my writing in the early years of this blog. My self hatred began in middle school and kept me in it’s devastating grip through college, when I couldn’t look in a mirror without turning away in disgust. It was deep and dark and it defined me.
But now I no longer feel anxious around other people, keeping a silent critique of my behavior in my head, running a mental comparison of how I look, wondering if anyone will even like me.
(In fact, maybe the pendulum has swung a little far to the other side because seriously, why wouldn’t people like me? I am awesome.)
(Just kidding. Sort of.)
Because I know now that my worth isn’t determined by anyone else and that gives me the freedom to fully embrace joy.
She is worth far more than rubies – Proverbs 31:10
This isn’t to say that my life is perfect by any means. There are plenty of hurts that need healing and struggles that I don’t share in this space. But I do feel incredibly blessed that because of my husband and those of you who read here, I am able to do the two things I love most: staying home with Scarlette and wielding a pen to write stories. So thank you for the inbox of birthday wishes and for being a part of helping all of my dreams unfold over the last decade. The new one is a beautifully blank slate that I can’t wait to fill.
And to the teenage girls who read here, the ones who sometimes write me letters about boys and heartache and dreams, I promise that it all gets better. And you are worth more than rubies.
(Now I am off to giddily collect all of my birthday freebies, in case you were worried that I’d gone and grown up too much)
