1.) So on Father’s Day I ended up in the emergency room. Because a spider bit me. And apparently, I am the sort of person who gets a staph infection from a spider bite. Seriously. I would show you pictures of just how swollen and scary the whole thing looked except for that I can not share such things on account of how it all took place ON MY BUM. Seriously. As if I didn’t have enough reasons to hate spiders. CHARLOTTE INCLUDED. I don’t even care that she won some sort of spider spelling bee because her offspring landed me in the hospital.
Then I had to spend a lot of time sitting on a heating pad, even though my bum was already really hot because of the STAPH INFECTION. So I spent the whole next day singing “THIS GIRL IS ON FI-YAH!” which was not at all annoying to my husband.
2.) The next day I thought maybe I would heat up some leftovers in our toaster oven because of how our microwave is broken. And that seemed like a really good idea in theory only maybe I did something wrong because the toaster oven caught on fire. And I was all “MOTHER! THE TOASTER OVEN IS ON FIRE!” And I don’t mean mother as in cussing, I mean mother as in mine currently lives with us and so the new normal in my house is to shout things like “MOTHER! THE TOASTER OVEN IS ON FIRE!” and “MOTHER! I THINK I’M DYING FROM A SPIDER BITE ON MY BUM!”
She put out the fire while Scarlette stood in the background yelling “OH NO! DA HOT!” because she does not get any sort of dramatics from me at all. And then I spent the rest of that night singing “THIS TOAST IS ON FI-YAH!” which also was not at all annoying to husband.
3.) I was working the other morning and Scarlette came running across the room yelling “I WUV YOU MOMMY!” and then wrapped her arms around me and gave me a kiss. And I got all teary eyed and was feeling super sentimental about her unprompted display of affection and was priding myself on raising such a sweet child until she said “OKAY BAHNEY! WE DA HAPPY PAMAWEE!” And that’s when I realized that Barney had just told her to do it.
4.) Scarlette kept telling me “No!” the other day and I said “Well, I am sorry but the answer is not no, it is yes.” And she held her hand up and said “Um, eshcuze me Mommy! Eshcuze me! I am shtill shaying no.”
5.) Remember when I started this blog because some guy broke my heart and I was really young and all Alanis Morisette angtsy about it? I’m really grateful he dumped me because now I get to be a stay-at-home-mom to my sweet Scarlette thanks to this blog. Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out. (Isn’t it ironic?) (Seriously, someone give me major props for working in not one, but two song lyrics into that sentiment.)
