"I trace the rainbow through the rain, and feel the promise is not vain"*
(That's the view from our porch a few weeks ago. A double rainbow!)
I mentioned in the last post that early pregnancy wasn't at all what I pictured. Mostly because I was so extremely ill for so long and I didn't know what to do with all the emotions/sickness/fear. When I finally talked to my best friend about it, she asked "Why didn't you tell me so that I could help you?"
And the truth was, I didn't want to complain. I know what it's like to be on the other side, to hear pregnant women talk about stretch marks and swollen feet and other such grumblings. I know what it's like to hear that and long for those things, to work through feelings of resentment, to know you'd take all that and more to be carrying a baby.
I think I've realized that going through infertility did not dissolve normal issues that come along with pregnancy. They're just alongside the awe and joy I feel about it all. I'm in love with this baby. But I'm still kind of freaking out about having stretch marks already. And I kind of feel like embracing that.
I have no idea where I'm going with all that except that I felt like acknowledging it. And I wanted to say thank you to those of you who read here and who have been a part of this with me, especially those of you that are still waiting. I know that for y'all it isn't always easy to watch someone else's pregnancy unfold, even if you feel a genuine joy for them. So many of you have made such a difference in my life by sharing in this journey with me and I want you to know that I hope and pray for you every day.
As you know, I love rainbows. I love the promise in them. I love that they symbolize a relationship with a God who promises that he cares for us always. I'm going to frame this picture for the baby's room.
*That line is from one of my favorite hymns, you can listen & read the story behind it here.
