Is for a certain tiny girl I know to get well enough to be off the ventilator.
My Christmas wish this year isn't for the cute wrap sweater I've been eyeing. It's not for a mailbox full of something other than bills. It's not even for sweet family gatherings with my aunt's amazing homemade mints.
It's for my daughter to take a breath on her own.
It's to get to hold her in my arms again.
It's for my husband to get to hold her for the very first time.
Scarlette is 6 weeks old today. She weighs about 2lbs 7oz, almost a full pound up from her birth weight. You can really tell she's gained weight seeing as when she was born her little arms and legs were the same exact size as one of my fingers.
She looks so very big to me. Until I see newborn baby and realize that my daughter is very, very small.
A little bit after Scarlette was born, I ventured out with my mother to buy her a stocking. I stopped at the baby aisle, exclaiming over a tiny pair of pink patent leather shoes. "Oh, and look at these little preemie hats! We have to get her these!" I said in delight. That's when my mother halting informed me that they were not preemie hats at all, but rather non-scratch mittens for newborns.
My hand flew to my mouth. Those would fit on Scarlette's head. Those little mitts made for newborn hands would fit on my daughter's head. I started sobbing, right there in the middle of Target, as her extreme littleness hit me again. Also? It was Black Friday and throngs of harried shoppers pushed past me as I had an emotional breakdown in the middle of Target. Good times.
I am so happy that she is too big for those non-hats now. And this Christmas, my heavy heart is also very, very full. I just need her to breathe.
"For the life of every living thing is in His hand, and the breath of every human being" Job 12:10
