An open letter to Playtex

Dear Playtex,

I must say, I have a bit of an issue with your current slogan. I will freely admit that I might have this issue simply because it is a certain time of the month and therefore I have an issue with just about everything, including the way the bedsheets are touching my skin right this very instant. That's beside the point.

Imagine, if you will, waking up in the middle of the night with the realization that not only are you not pregnant, but that also? ALSO YOU MIGHT BE ABOUT TO DIE. Because that? That is how cramps feel to me. Endometriosis. Look it up.

Now, I'm not saying I don't appreciate you Playtex. You and that tiny little pill called Percoset both. But when I'm contemplating ripping my ovaries from my body with my bare hands, I can tell you that the last thing I want to see on your packaging is the words "Life is a sport…challenge yourself."

This is not the freaking Tour De France, Playtex. What exactly do you expect me to challenge myself to do? Because the photo of that girl kicking a soccer ball around? NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. If by "challenge yourself" you mean ATTEMPT TO CONTINUE BREATHING then yes, I can get behind that. But softball? Really? You know that I crawled in here because I CAN'T EVEN WALK, right?

And don't get me started on the one that said "Achieve your dreams!" If I had achieved my dreams, Playtex, I WOULD HAVE NO USE FOR YOU.

I propose new packaging. One that says "We know you don't feel well. You are so right, this is really miserable and unfair. Have some chocolate. You totally don't look bloated."

Failing that, a fill in the blank package with a space to leave my last will and testament in case I don't make it out of this alive will suffice.

Yours truly,
KA

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Comments

  1. says

    amen. have tampon companies ever had good slogans?
    like. have a happy period? what. the. eff.
    have a you ever tried an electrical heating pad for the cramps? i take an ibuprofen and put that on my back and curse men.
    it works for me. :P

  2. says

    I completely agree! I actually stopped buying Playtex year ago because I found the packaging to be too cheerful. You arent fooling anyone Playtex!

  3. says

    Oh this reminds me of a funny story that I need to blog! Yes I do use a heating pad, I joke at work that I am “plugging myself in” because I dont leave my chair – I just hook it up and curl up there the whole day. And I have never had a happy period in my life. What. The. Heck?

  4. says

    Makes perfect sense to me. Don’t say dumb stuff to a pms’ing lady. Good grief!
    I say that it should come with a little Dove chocolate gift with purchase.

  5. says

    lol…I’m a guy and I’ve always thought that was ridiculous packaging…I mean come on!
    Kayla I may not visit it all the time…but whenever I need a good laugh…I know where to come…oh by the way how is the bedroom decorating coming that is supposed to be done by your husband!

  6. says

    I know those companies are just trying to be hip and fit in, but the truth is, we’d all rather not have to see any commercials or ads for “feminine products,” in the first place, or have anyone aware that we’re using them. Personally, I would love it if they’d all just make their packaging brown, black, or white so that it would be rendered invisible when placed in bathroom cabinets across the world. And if they could make the individual items blend into my purse instead of standing out like a sore thumb, I’d like that even more. And if each individual item came with a piece of Dove chocolate attached to it, that would be about as cheering as I would need it to be.

  7. says

    I’ve been there with the whole Endo thing. I can sympathize with how awful it is. My first OB told me I’d probably never have children. (thanks for the encouraging words right?) Anyway, I switched drs and less than 6 months after the first dr told me that I was pregnant with my first. I now have two little girls. Don’t give up hope!

  8. Leigh Ann says

    Oh yes–hate the box slogans and the ads. The “Have a Happy Period” ad drives me crazy and was obviously written by a sadistic man. I also really disliked the old Stay-Free ads that showed the woman frolicking on the beach in white shorts. Yeah, like you’d ever wear a giant pad to the beach or white shorts during your period.
    Chocolate is your friend–tampon companies are not.

  9. says

    Well Kayla Aimee about 2 years ago I could not have identified with you but now….at 47…. my how “period thing” has COMPLETE CHANGED. I do not have endo but I can certainly identify with you now. And on top of the pain, waking up in the middle of the night KNOWING you will not make it to the bathroom without taking a dang suitcase with you and being fearful that the CSI team will come in and wonder what the heck happened in your home.
    And just think of the names of those things….Platex? Carefree? OB? OMGosh…..So for 35 years I did not or could not understand what others went through with difficult/painful periods. Even after working for an infertility specialist for 4 years it wasn’t easy for me to understand. I DO NOW. I am sorry that you have to go through this. I will keep you in my prayers.

  10. Paula O says

    Kayla ..I hear ya…I have read about your troubles onhere for awhile..besides coming on for your humour and scrapbooking talents..!!
    I had some endo after I had an ectopic pregnancy almost 2 years ago, that burst through a fallopian tube..(almost died to be truthful..God and some blood transfusions saved me.. so not only did I have excruiating pain every month after that from a burst tube, scar tissue and then got endo in both..I can relate..and hating those commercials..usually I cursed and changed thechannel..thought about writing them..in fact I could barely wear them for awhile..
    Besides some strong painkillers I also used something called the Majic Bag..you heat it up in the microwave.. like a heating pad but what I liked was it is filled witt stuff to make it heavy so it added pressure and heat..a good combo..
    On a positive note..after all that stuff ..I had surgery to repair the tube which was unsuccesful, not the positive part, and they found scar tissue on my other tube, also not the succesful part..I am getting to it..haha. but they did clear some out of the tube that was not damaged from ectopic..and then one month later I was pregnant..even my doctors were suprised due to the damaged I had inside.. I guess I just needed a good flushing… I am now 36 weeks and due Thanksgiving day (in Canada)..so much to be thankful for this year!!
    Hope this helps and keep praying!!

  11. Stacy says

    I feel very close to you right now. You’re the only other person besides me I’ve ever heard say they’re considering ripping out their ovaries with their bare hands. :D

    There is a newer tampon commercial by Kotex which is awesome though: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRf35wCmzWw

    And lest this be mistaken for spam…. I use neither pads nor tampons, having happily switched to a menstrual cup.

  12. Sophia says

    p.s. Try using a moist heat pad usually sold at Walgreens or CVS. Pop it in the microwave for 70 second and it helps with cramps.

  13. Maidenkauai says

    I stumbled across your blog today while researching the sock bun and I thought me and this girl had a lot in common so a few short clicks later led me to here and I find out its true…we do. I am 2 weeks out of surgery today. I went in to the ER (not the first, second or third time this year) I went in with that stabbing pain and had my ovary removed the next morning. The last surgery in April of this year removed the other, I am 33 and no children of my own. Always thought I would, and I know there’s other options but I almost feel like something is missing, well it is. I am so happy to read later you have your daughter what a true blessing. You just never know what life will bring you after the storm, Aloha.

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