Today is Parents of Preemies Day and I am a parent of a preemie. I didn’t plan to be and I certainly did not intend to label myself that way. No, I wanted to run far from that story, the one that delivered my daughter into suffering and me into a great grieving.
It was all too much for my heart, too big for something so small, too heavy for something so weightless.
One pound, eight point six ounces.
I didn’t know then, when I cupped my hand around the whole of her, that this would become a part of who I am.
I wanted to walk out of the hospital on the day of our NICU discharge and leave it all behind.
Sometimes prematurity feels haunting, a distant, hovering reminder of a unbroken fear.
But four years in, it also feels like a sacred triumph.
Because look at her run when they said she might not walk.
Listen to her sing when they said she might not talk.
And watch as she traces that line again and again and again as we work to mend her wrists, the ones that were taped together with tongue depressors that spanned the entire length of her tiny, spindly, miniature arm.
As I watch her purse her lips and furrow her brow and wrench all her strength to try and control her core muscles to make them work together just to hop on one foot I am so inspired by her. She falls over on the hopscotch board, all limbs tangled and covered in chalk dust, but she gets up and tries again.
Both of us, we’ve worked hard as we’ve carried each other towards overcoming.
She doubles over with laughter, bouncing with endless enthusiasm, joy from mourning.
I wrote it all down and bound it up in a book, praise from despair.
And now, hand in hand, we’re embracing the story, writing new chapters, and seeing beauty come from ashes.
Isaiah 61:3: to appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them a garland for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of Jehovah, that God may be glorified.
Parents of Preemies Day is hosted each year by the Graham’s Foundation and this year they asked me to post in celebration of my preemie – you can visit their Parents of Preemies page to share your own photos and stories here. This post is not sponsored, I love and support the work Graham’s Foundation does as it was so beneficial to us in the NICU.
