Yesterday I rushed out of the house in a hurry to drop my daughter off at school. I had overslept due to the fact that I was up a million times with the baby in the middle of the night and so subsequently hit my alarm eleven times in a row.
I threw some cereal in a baggie for my six-year-old to eat in the car because I value things like nutrition and healthy, calm environments in which to build good food habits. Then I got dressed in the same clothes that I wore the day before because I also value efficiency and minimalism and not all because they just happened to be the first thing I saw.
After I dropped my daughter off at school I decided to swing by Chick-Fil-A to grab breakfast, mostly because they were very smart and built a Chick-Fil-A by the elementary school and then started offering large frosted coffees. That’s basically like a siren’s call after I spent the forty-five minutes looking for a single shoe while simultaneously trying to explain to Scarlette why she could not wear one rainboot and one silver glitter jelly. Resistance is futile.
When I pulled up, however, the line was wrapped around the building and spilling out onto the side road. This is the south, y’all. The people need their chicken biscuits. So I did what anyone in that situation would do. I texted a picture of myself sitting in that line to my sister.
She was like, “So probably you should just leave.”
And I was all, “Marah, the heart wants what it wants. I am committed. Also I’m pretty hemmed in here at this point and honestly I’m just not very good at reversing.”
The line was so long that they had people standing outside and walking up to people’s cars to take their orders in person. Which was perfect because I had neither showered nor fully dressed and so clearly it was the sort of day where I was ready for up close and personal human interaction.
When the girl approached my window, she informed me that my chicken biscuit was going to be free because it was free chicken biscuit day at that particular location. And I was very excited about this on account of how I enjoy things that are free unexpectedly. So what I did was, I shimmied my shoulders and I sang, “SHE’S SO LUCKY, SHE’S A STAR!”
Because I have a problem and that problem is that I tend to make obscure pop culture references at inopportune moments.
And the girl stared at my blankly because she was about twelve years old and most likely completely unfamiliar with what is one of the greatest Britney Spears songs of all time.
It kind of left me feeling very awkward about the whole interaction, which is the catalyst for what happened next. I was already kind of in my head about my own weirdness in addition to being severely sleep deprived, you know?
So when I pulled forward to find that the person at the drive-thru window was not, in fact, inside the window at all but standing outside of the building I was a little bit thrown.
And that is why, when he propped his elbow up on my window, leaned down, and cheerfully said good morning while holding out his hand, it did not register in my brain as a typical drive-thru interaction.
INSTEAD.
I thought he was just being overly friendly (because, I mean, I was at a southern Chick-Fil-A and all) and so when he reached his hand out, palm down I might add because I feel as though that small fact is very integral to this story, when he reached his hand out I thought that he was offering it to me.
AND SO I REACHED UP AND SQUEEZED IT.
I squeezed his hand, y’all.
And that’s when he said, “Um, that will be $5.20?”
Which was the precise moment that I realized that what he wanted was not for me to squeeze his hand in an encouragingly casual greeting but rather to PAY HIM MONEY for the frosted coffee and hashbrowns that I had just ordered.
So obviously I can never go back to that Chick-Fil-A ever again.
After sharing this mortifying moment on a group vox with my girlfriends, my BFF texted back and said, “KA, I don’t think I have ever been through a drive-thru with you where you didn’t make things awkward. You should not be allowed to go through drive-thrus ANYMORE.”
How is your week going?
If you want more funny stories with a dash of heartfelt hope, grab a copy of my latest book because let’s be honest, you need a good laugn and this would be a lovely redeeming factor in my otherwise very cringe-worthy day.
