1) A few years ago one of the warehouses in J’s office complex was throwing out those old coffee kegs. I’ve always wanted to make them into planters but for some reason my husband is all averse to me using a drill. I’m actually quite handy. You use the porch steps as a sawhorse and accidentally cut too deep ONE TIME and all of the sudden it’s “No power tools for you!” Anyhow, I dug out the drill this week and drilled holes in the bottoms of one of the barrels for drainage and then filled it with flowers. Then because I was on a drilling spree I tried to drill through a decorative ceramic canister but that turned out to be another in a long list of Things That Pinterest Said Would Work But Didn’t.
2.) I ordered a dress from a company that custom tailors the fit for you before they ship it, which works well for me since I am the size of a twelve year old girl and yet do not want to wear clothing with Hannah Montana’s face embroidered on it. Or whatever the kids are watching these days. And they emailed me to double check my measurements because the bust size was so small. I could not make this up if I tried. I mean, they wanted to verify several measurements BUT THEY LED OFF WITH THE SMALL BUST. I weep.
3.) Speaking of what the kids are watching these days, can we talk about Curious George? I do not understand Curious George. First of all, the other kids refer to him by saying things such as “Hey, where did that kid go?” or “He sure is fast for a city kid!” And I’m all “Do these children not know that he is a monkey? Are they laboring under the impression that he is actually another child? Can they see him? Have they ever been to a zoo?” And then they consistently leave the monkey to do Very Important Things like be in charge of an entire candy store. I’m like, this monkey needs constant supervision! And he doesn’t even have a work permit! And he should probably not be allowed to handle food! Watching Curious George stresses me out, y’all.
4.) Related: On our five hundred and thirty seventh viewing of Frozen I realized that Sven the reindeer is not ACTUALLY talking. I kept thinking it was so weird that Sven talked in the beginning of the movie but only grunted and snorted at the end. I somehow completely missed that Kristoff was pretending to talk for the reindeer. (Also, this is nothing like the kids on Curious George because animals totally talk in Disney movies and so it was completely logical of me to assume that the reindeer was talking. It is not logical to leave an open canister of red paint with a monkey who is known for his shenanigans.)
5.) Sometimes the person stocking produce at Publix cheerfully asks you how you are doing and then their eyes widen in horror before you can answer and you turn to see your three year old holding up her dress in one hand and clutching her undies in the other. Above her head. Like a flag. True story, morning glory.
