Why does no one wear pants anymore? Have we collectively decided that pants are out? Do we have something against the donning of fabric from the waist down?
Don't get me wrong. I'm all for showing a little leg. In fact, I prefer my skirts on the slightly short side. Granted, that's because I think it helps distract from my wicked crooked bow legs but still. I'm wearing something other than underwear.
I have a fondness for things like wearing clothes in public. The last time I wore a leotard I was eleven years old flipping around the uneven bars and pretending to be Dominique Moceanu. Okay, that's not totally true. The last time I wore a leotard was in the sixth grade when my mother sent me to school in a hot pink catsuit, spandex shorts and a navy blue blazer. I just don't recall much about that incident because I spent most of the day in a locker. Obviously 1996 did not see Lady Gaga coming or I would have been a total trendsetter.
Lately it seems as though if you want to be a female pop star, the stipulation is that you must a) talk about boys trying to touch your goodies and then b) wear nothing to cover said goodies. Guess what pop stars? When you wear lingerie, that kind of sends the message that you want boys to touch your goodies. That's what it's made for. Therefore, I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR ANGSTY LYRICS.
I'm talking to you Miley Cyrus. And yes, you CAN be tamed. You're seventeen years old. If I were your mother, I'd be taming the heckfire out of you and I'd start by making you put on some dang pants.
