I asked in this post if anyone had any questions in relation to our experience w/having a micro-preemie and extended NICU stay. Here are my answers, in the hopes that they help someone else with a similar situation.
Q: I'm curious about when you went to the doctor before you had Scarlette. (I don't think you've written about it before, but maybe I missed it?) You felt weird … how? How did the doctor react?
A: I wrote about that in our birth story. I basically felt a weird pinprick sensation. It was very slight. My doctor was incredibly kind, he was used to me being anxious and I think we both assumed due to my lack of symptoms that I was just needing some reassurance. The biggest thing I've learned is to just trust your instincts. Even if you feel like you're totally overreacting, it can never hurt to see the doctor.
Q: I feel like this journey began before you conceived, with infertility. So I have a question about that. Before you conceived, how did you keep going?There are times when I think "I don't know how much longer I can go through this before giving up" (on the hope of having a child, not on life or God). What helped you?
A: I wish I could hug you. I am so sorry for your infertility struggle. I don't know that anything helped me over all. I just relied on a combination of little things. We had decided not to seek medical intervention and so I spent much of my time working on coming to a peace with the idea that I might not bear a child and focusing on shifting my perspective of family and accepting the thought of ours being just Jeff and I. I took much encouragement from Sarah's Laughter. And honestly? Sometimes I laid in bed and cried and let myself grieve the losses I experienced. I suppose focusing on the happiness of the present day is what helped me the most.
Q: Before this, did you think you understood the concept of "love"? I've been thinking about "love" this week – a lot. I don't think anyone can come close to understanding the love between a mother & a child until they have a child – or how much they truly love their husband (or wife) until they go through serious pain together. Or the love of friends – until you need them to lift you up when you have nothing left.
A: Yes and no, lol. Truly the parent/child bond is beyond my ability to articulate. I do feel as though I learned a lot more about what love is and what love looks like in the flesh. Seeing the love shown towards us during this touched me so deeply, and pushed me to want to be that sort of love in the lives of others. I don't think though, that I didn't know what love was before. I think I just knew it in a different way. I think my love for Jeff would have been full and complete if we'd never had a child together, but doing so shifted that love in a new way.
