Two days a week I work out of a different office. At that office I have to put out a sign. That sign is heavy. Really heavy.
To put out the sign I have to cross the road.
Today it was storming.
I have issues with storms. Maybe because I have a lot of issues. Or maybe because of that time a tornado hit my house while I was in it.
In any case, I don't do storms. This is because bad things happen during storms. See the above sentence about tornadoes. Or like yesterday, when I drove to Publix in the storm and then all the power went out once I got inside. Do you know how scary it is to be feeling up the produce and then be plunged into total darkness? Let me tell you, it is scary. It is also really embarrassing when the lights come back on and you're the only one who's ducked and covered under the pumpkin display.
So this afternoon I have to bring the sign in. And it is storming. And I have no umbrella. And the sign is heavy. And I am wearing a dress and heels. It's almost like the Lord sets me up to be his own personal sitcom.
Please remember that I am 5 feet tall and about 90 pounds. I am commonly mistaken for a twelve year old girl. And at this moment I am standing in the pouring rain in the middle of the street, struggling with a massive, heavy, SLIPPERY sign. I may or may not be crying.
A guy pulls up next to me in his pickup truck and I assume he is going to offer to help me. I have pepper spray in case he offers something else, but this is the south and in the south guys stop to offer to help a woman in my desperate predicament.
He rolls down his window.
And yells "GET THE *EXPLETIVE* OUT OF THE ROAD!"
Awesome. Thanks for that, Kanye West.
