I taught Sunday School this week, which also requires a strong cup of coffee because Scarlette is in my class, and one of the things I love about teaching Sunday School is that the kids always say random, hilarious things.
(Or they draw me random, hilarious things like pictures of Baby Jesus as Minecraft characters.)
This week one of the little boys asked me to draw him a picture of Jesus and I am not blessed with skills of art and so I just drew a little stick figure man with a beard. And he looked at it and then shook his head and said “That doesn’t look like Jesus. That looks like Kevin.”
I have no idea who Kevin is but apparently I am very good at recreating his likeness in crayon.
I usually start off class by going around the room and having everyone tell me something fun or exciting that happened to them that week. One of the boys told me that he got to go ziplining and I was exclaiming over how fun that sounded when he said very seriously “It was fun until I racked my balls.”
I had no idea how to respond to that. In fact, as a girl who did not grow up with brothers I had to ask J what exactly that meant afterwards. Then some of the other girls wanted to know what that meant and I got all flustered and decided to just totally change the subject and was like “WHO HERE HAS A PET? LET’S TALK ABOUT ANIMALS! TELL ME SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR PETS SERIOUSLY ANYTHING WILL DO!”
A sweet little girl in a prim white dress raised her hand and said “Miss Kayla, we have a tarantula. We used to have a fish but it died and we had to flush it down the toilet and then we got another fish and it died too so we had to flush it down the toilet so we got a tarantula and sometimes it sits on my hand.”
And then another little girl screeched “WHY DID YOU FLUSH YOUR FISH DOWN THE TOILET!?”
Then Scarlette held up her paper and told me that she was drawing a picture of God, so I told her that I couldn’t wait to see what God looked like.
And she shrugged her shoulders and said casually “Well, actually God just kind of looks like a frog a little bit.”
I am very good at teaching Sunday School.