There is a story in the Bible about Sarah, who struggled with infertility, longingly waiting years for a child. When she gave birth to her son Isaac she said “God has blessed me with laughter” And to all of that I would just like to say AMEN.
♥ I took Scarlette into a bathroom stall with me at Target. I don’t even need to finish this story, do I? Oh but I will. The second I sat down she took off crawling into the stall next to us yelling “OH HAI WHAT YOU DOIN? ARE YOU JUST GOIN TINKLE IN DA POTTY? DO YOU NEED TO WIPE YOUR BA…” as I desperately attempted to pull her back by the hood of her jacket while attempting to remind her about things like PRIVACY and PUBLIC BATHROOM FLOORS ARE SO GROSS STOP CRAWLING ON IT. I’m so very sorry, fellow Target shopper.
♥ Some teenagers are playing basketball outside and Scarlette just asked if she could go play with them. I distractedly said “No right now, we don’t know those people” and she said “Mommy. Those are called BOYS.”
♥ She is taking my picture with my tripod right now and telling me to say cheese. Every time I do she says “Good job, mommy, now you hab 900 dollars!” and hands me a puzzle piece.
♥ I told Scarlette I needed to take her temperature and she asked why. “Because I think you have a fever” I told her. And her eyes got huge and she said “Oh no! A FEVER?! Dat would be SO BAD for me! Wet’s just take Mister Bockadush’s temmature instead.” Mister Bockadush is her stuffed fox so that would be fairly unhelpful but I enjoy how she just threw him under the bus like that.
♥ We’re watching Daniel Tiger and someone just lost a tooth. Scarlette is freaking out “OH NO! DERE TEEF FELL OUT! DAT IS CWAZY! DAT IS JUST CWAZY!” She keep showing me her teeth and asking “DO YOU SEE ALL MY TEEF? ARE MY TEEF STILL IN DER?!” I did not anticipate this reaction but feel as though it makes total sense considering that she is the child of a slightly neurotic mother. (Update: she has been gritting her teeth at us and asking us to check and make sure they are still there at least once a day since this occurred.)
♥ I told Scarlette that she couldn’t have cookies for breakfast (of course I did) and then I heard her trying to open the cookie jar (OF COURSE I DID) so I leaned around the corner and said “Scarlette, Mommy said that you may not have those cookies and now you are not following directions.” And she looked at me with wide innocent eyes and said “Oh, dat when I was a BABY. I a big girl now.”
♥ I was on the phone and had repeatedly told Scarlette to please be patient and that I would help her after I was finished with my conversation. After about five minutes of me silently holding up a finger at her in reminder, she couldn’t take it any longer so she wrapped herself around my legs and THEN she started singing “SAY SUMFING I’M GIVING UP ON YOU”
(I have never laughed so hard in my whole, entire life y’all. I can’t even believe that happened. She sings it all the time lately so I don’t *think* she knew how funny the timing was but I honestly can not ever be sure with this kid.)
♥ Scarlette’s Sunday school teacher told me that Scarlette’s contribution to class was “You mean Jesus DOESN’T live in my mommy’s underwear drawer?!”
♥ So I’m unloading the dishwasher while Scarlette eats breakfast and I call out to her to ask if she has taken any bites yet. She comes around the corner holding a rose (which she apparently climbed up on the dining room table to jack from my vase) holds it out to me and says “Well actuawwy I not taking ANY bites today but I got you dis fwower. It doesn’t hab any roots.”
♥ Scarlette walked into the kitchen eating a chicken nugget. I was doing dishes and then I thought to myself “Self, I did not make her chicken nuggets today. I did not make her chicken nuggets yesterday.” So I asked her where she got said chicken nugget and she informed me that she got it from the oven, because she was making me dinner. I looked suspiciously at her play kitchen, opened the faux oven door and there inside sat several half eaten chicken nuggets. I have no idea how long they were in there but I made her spit that stuff out faster than you can say, I don’t know. Something you can say really fast. Also, this is why open floor plans have become popular, for mothers of toddlers like Scarlette who need to be able to see all possible things their child could be doing while attempting to wash dishes.
Conversations With Scarlette:
Me: Scarlette, we do not throw things at people. You need to sit down for a couple of minutes and think about your actions.
Scarlette (super sassy): Actuawwy I’m not. Actuawwy I’m just going to fink about dis window on my house.
Me: I’m adding one more minute for the sass.
Scarlette: Well now I just feel reawwy sad, Mommy.
—
Me: Scarlette, why did Mommy put you in time-out?
Scarlette: Because I frowed all my painting water on da bed
Me: Was that a good decision?
Scarlette: Well, actuawwy I just did dat because I am feewing a wittle bit tired wite now. And I fink I wearned a baluable wesson about dis.
—
Me: Scarlette, did you eat all of your food?
Scarlette: Well, actuawwy what I did was I chewed up all da food in my mouth wike chomp chomp. So…all gone.
Me, noticing lots of berries have been spit out on the table: Scarlette, chewing your food and then spitting it out is not the same as eating it. You need to eat your food so it goes all the way into your tummy.
Scarlette: Mommy, dis is too heavy for me.
—
After finding Scarlette rearranging all of the toilet paper rolls in the linen cabinet:
Me: Scarlette what are you doing?
Scarlette: Oh, I just puttin awll my chickens to sweep in dere bed. Night night, chickens!
