I was reading blogs at 3am while Scarlette partied with her bottle and was trying to type out a one-handed comment about mastitis when I realized I probably never told y'all about my awkward cabbage story.
I assume that was because I pretty much lost my sense of humor for 5.5 months but looking back now, it's fairly hilarious. I went up four, yes FOUR cup sizes after giving birth. Seriously, my baby weighed one pound and my chest reacted as though I'd given birth to sextuplets.
And apparently sometimes when there is just no more room for milk in your body and your body doesn't get the memo, it starts backing up under your arms. I had huge lumps under my arms y'all, bigger than golf balls. I was walking around like a scene out of A Christmas Story going "I can't put my arms down! I CAN'T PUT MY ARMS DOWN!"
That sounds funny except I actually couldn't put my arms down and I was in horrendous pain and also? I was bruised like someone had beat me. So I lift my arms and ask Scarlette's nurse if this is normal and she takes one look at me and says "Oh my goodness let me go get the lactation consultant." Who said "Oh Honey. Oh HONEY" and then prescribed me cabbage.
Right. Cabbage. To be held under my arms. Which honestly? I was so desperate I would have stuck a cactus under my arms for relief. And I am here to tell you that it worked and if you are experiencing extreme bewbie pain, skip the drugs and go right for the produce section.
The thing is, the NICU keeps the micro-preemie room super warm so even though it was mid November it was not uncommon for me to strip off my layers until I was just in a tank top. And pants. I did not walk around in my skivvies all the time, just that one time I accidentally stripped down in front of the security cameras. And also that time I flashed the L&D entrance.
(Issues <- I have them.)
So, I couldn't do things like change my baby's diaper and simultaneously hold the cabbage under my arms. So I did what any logical person would do.
I taped the cabbage under my arms.
And that's why our NICU unit was so awesome. Because a) they saved my baby's life and b) didn't make any comments about that crazy mother walking around with cabbage leaves peeking out from under her bra straps.
