I was rather unfortunate looking when I was younger. I was not, what you might call, a cute kid. I mean that picture? The one that looks like it belongs on Awkward Photos Dot Com? That is THE BEST ONE I HAVE TO SHOW YOU.
My sister, however, was not as unfortunate looking as me. Maybe because by the time she was born my mother was out of the whole "teased bangs" phase. In any case, my sister was really cute.
She was also frequently mistaken for Jon Benet Ramsey.
One night when she was in middle school we ordered pizza. Prominently displayed by the front door was an oversized photo of my sister in her 5 year old Glamour Shot.
The pizza guy looked at the photo and took a startled step back. He stammered for a minute and then asked my dad how he knew the girl in the photo. My father is quite sarcastic, really very unlike me, and made a quip about stealing her. Obviously my father had not read the situation correctly. The pizza guy's face went completely ashen. It's lucky I walked in when I did. I'm very good at diffusing tense situations. Like that time I solved the Cuban Missile Crisis.
The pizza guy mumbled something and we just barely made out the words Jon Benet when my father realized what was going on. He quickly assured the guy that it was, in fact, his daughter and called her downstairs. The pizza guy looked back and forth between the photo and my sister and left, after receiving an extra large tip. Which he probably thought was a bribe. In my life, you don't just order pizza. You order up a whole dish of awkward.
(Thank you for all of your votes on the Good Mood Gig! Please continue to vote for me here, and I'll keep posting awkward photos of my adolescence. It's a win-win for everyone.)
