My baby sister turns 21 today. First of all, that makes me feel old.
Second of all, to celebrate I thought I'd share some of my favorite memories of my sister growing up. And when I reflected on them, I realized they are mostly just pee-your-pants funny because because my sister was a little hellion growing up. So happy birthday Marah Shaye! Don't mix grapes and grains tonight!
Here are my top ten fifteen (there were just so many) Marah Shaye stories.
#1) Marah Shaye used to mix up her words. For years she referred to a globe as a "spaceship" and when trying to call people a stupid idiot, she would shout "you stupid elliott!"
#2) Marah Shaye gets a note sent home on her first day of Kindergarten. "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Fox, Marah was put in time out today for teaching the other students to say "asshole" at the lunch table."
#3) Marah Shaye bites a hole in the center of several pieces of baloney. She then proceeds to place said baloney in all the CD players in our home.
#4) Marah Shaye decides it would be a great night to roast hot dogs. She does so underneath my parents bed, using a fork, a hot dog and a candle. The bedding and curtains go up in flames, effectively catching my parent's bedroom on fire.
#5) Marah Shaye wonders what rubbing alcohol tastes like. She proceeds to drink an entire bottle.
#6) Marah Shaye thinks her older sister Kayla Aimee would like it if she lit some candles in her room. She lights an assortment of them and then throws the lit match in the trash can, which once again catches the curtains on fire. Marah Shaye hides in the closet while her parents frantically spray down the room.
#7) Marah Shaye goes to Six Flags. Is startled when a large Tweety Bird mascot comes over to say hello. Marah Shaye proceeds to kick him in the groin and run away.
#8) Marah Shaye wonders what camphophenique tastes like. Climbs up 5 bathroom shelves and unlocks the medicine cabinet, as my parents learned their lesson from the rubbing alcohol incident. Proceeds to drink the entire bottle of camphophenique. My parents have poison control on speed dial.
#9) Marah Shaye pours an entire bottle of baby oil out in my parent's bedroom, dousing their furniture, floor, and bed. When questioned about this incident, she maintains that the cat did it. Marah Shaye says she watched the cat take the bottle in her paws and pour it all over the room, while walking on her hind legs. Marah Shaye maintains this story for several years.
#10) Marah Shaye thinks it would be fun to read in her closet. She can't find a flashlight, so she decides that despite past problems with candles, it would be a great idea to read by candlelight. Marah Shaye's closet goes up in flames. My parents contemplate buying stock in fire extinguishers. They also dispose of all lighters, crediting Marah Shaye as the reason they stopped smoking.
#11) Marah Shaye finds an electric lint remover in the bathroom. She wonders what would happen if she held said lint remover to her tongue. She finds out that if you stick your tongue in an electric lint remover, it will cut off the tip of your tongue. My parents switch to tape lint removers.
#12) Marah Shaye forgets to take a toy to school for show and tell. Instead, she just does the tell and informs her class that Michael J. Fox is her uncle. My mother fields phone calls all afternoon from people wanting authographs. No one believes that Michael J. Fox is not, in fact, our relative due to Marah Shaye's colorful description of the holiday visits at Uncle Mikes.
#13) Marah Shaye gets angry at her older sister Kayla Aimee. She proceeds to tear the bottom right corner out of every single page of the Anne of Green Gables book that her sister is reading, as well as the very last page. She is 4 years old at the time.
#14) Marah Shaye is sent to bed after being told that she is too young to watch Cliffhanger. Marah Shaye sneaks out of bed and watches the entire movie from behind the couch, a fact thatmy parents discover the next day when her elementary school teacher calls to inform them of her use of the phrase "F*ckin A, I've lost it"
#15) Marah Shaye watches Rescue 911 on television. She proceeds to call 911, telling them her name is Clara and that she is 3 years old and her parents left her home all by herself. Two policemen show up at our house to find that she is in fact, a five year old child named Marah Shaye who is at home with both of her parents and older sister.
