That time I found a really cute, pink, striped, boatneck long sleeve shirt from Ann Taylor Loft on ThredUp for just five dollars. And then later put it on only to have Scarlette come running in my room holding out a shirt that I had purchased for her from Carter’s a couple of months ago and saying “Mommy I wear my pink shirt too!”
Once she discovered that we owned matching tops it was all over and she also wanted to wear matching pants and shoes.
Not only did I inadverntantly purchase a top that is completely identical to one that I had bought for my three year old, I then had to run errands while dressed like twins.
It’s a good thing she did not choose that particular day to tell anyone that I was her Sister Mommy.
Last Friday a friend of mine treated me to a massage. I have decided to invest in this friendship. Anyhow, I never get massages and just before the massage they gave us these glasses of wine that contained the best wine I have ever had in my entire life. I would really love to tell you more about it but when I asked if I could buy a truckload case bottle the girl working there told me that all she knew about it was that it was homemade in Mississippi. I plan to investigate this further.
Anyhow, I had also taken a lot of Sudafed because I was speaking the next day at a conference in Atlanta. I don’t take medication often and so I am not sure if it was the sudafed/wine combo or the fact that I am just socially awkward but after the massage therapist left the room for me to change I realized that I did not actually understand her directions about exactly how many articles of clothing I was supposed to remove. It would really behoove me for this sort of thing to sink in sooner so that I could have the sense to ask for clarification. Instead what I did was, I panicked.
I took a picture of this moment for you. This is what I look like when I am panicking.
That’s pretty much my permanent expression.
See the massage therapist said “Take off as much as you are comfortable with and we’ll start with you lying on your front before you turn over.”
And then I thought to myself “Self, if I turn over and I have no top on then my bewbies will be all exposed and I do not feel goodly about that on account of how I am very modest. On the other hand, if I have a top on then she can not massage my back, which I am pretty sure is the whole point of the massage.”
I was going to ask the internet via my instagram what I should do, hence the above photo, but then I was worried that the massage therapist might walk back in before I was done posting my panicked selfie and then think I was really weird for still having all of my clothes on.
So what I did was, I thought a lot about all of the FRIENDS episodes that I have seen where Phoebe is giving someone a massage. That was my only frame of reference for massages because I am very sophisticated and cultured. And I decided that everyone was not wearing shirts in those scenes. But that still didn’t answer my question of what to do about the whole “flipping over” part.
And that is the story of how the massage therapist walked back in a few minutes later to find me standing in the middle of the room awkwardly clutching my shirt to my chest and saying “I’m sorry, I’m not really sure exactly how many clothes I am supposed to be wearing right now.”
(Apparently you are supposed to not wear a top and then cover yourself up with all the sheets. You’re welcome.)
